Fathers Day Reflections; Reposting a Review

 Today is Fathers' Day. If we're honest with ourselves, each day of our lives we are reflections of the roles our fathers played, for good or bad, whether we knew them or not, None of us would be here to write or read this unless we hade been fathered at some point in the process that led to eyes to this page. 

I've written celebrations of fathers, mine included, on past Fathers' Days (HERE, HERE, HERE). It was my great joy to have wonderful parents, including a dad who was devoted to being the best he could be. How he defined that responsibility was not always how I might have written the  part, but that's generally a good thing. Uppermost in my memory is the absolute certainty that he loved us unconditionally. As a kid, I focused on the "conditional" aspects of life, always clearly presented-- grades, curfews, fights with siblings, chores, etc. Through it all, the beauty of my childhood is that i really never needed to question whether or not any infraction could shatter that parental love. It was a foundation I wish for every life born into the world. 

With that said, today I was drawn to a book that I featured back in 2020. (Yep, even typing that year brings memories of pandemic era). Thankfully, libraries were some of the first institutions that found ways to get back into business. I read and wrote my way through those tough days, thanks to libraries. And publishers managed to keep releasing books, although the flow reduced for quite a while. Even so, one new title reached me that comes to mind over and over through the years since then. 

NEAL PORTER BOOKS, 2020

I TALK LIKE A RIVER is written by Jordan Scott and illustrated by Sydney Smith. My review of it at the time can be read HERE, if interested. In that review I focused on the remarkable qualities of the writing and the illustration that later garnered major awards. (This creative pair have since produced other titles that also win awards. Check them out.)

Today, Fathers' Day, this memorable picture book came to mind yet again. It's a book about a boy who struggles with stuttering, although that is never said explicitly. We know the boy struggles. That his internal view of himself reflects the reactions he reads from others as he tries to express his ideas and feelings. 

His struggles for fluency are illuminated, literally in the images (an al-time best cover, IMO) and lyrically ninth narrative. I found myself connected with his self-doubt and longing, though I never stuttered. (Those who grew up with me likely wished that i would be tongue-tied!).

What I felt throughout, and what is minimally but powerfully referenced within the brief text, is the power of his father's acceptance and advice. 

By guiding his son to a metaphor that invites identity with strength, power, change, and beauty, the father didn't simply help his son through a particular incident or life challenge. He offered an analogy, a tool, a source of strength  that could be accessed in the moment and in the future. He presented an alternative to the immediacy of pain and struggle, a light at the end of the tunnel, a way through the present and into the future, providing relief in the moment and promise of better times. 

I just finished reading two (excellent) adult novels in which fathers are portrayed with recognizable strength and abilities. The stories involved sports, business, communities, and many settings in which fatherly advice is passed to the next generation, including coaching. Today's various tributes to dads in social media, news shorts, and more will express thanks for love and support, mention dad jokes and golf or other sports, and otherwise celebrate the ways fathers have shaped our lives. Life lessons will be celebrated, from work habits to honesty to fairness. ALL are worthy of praise. 

When this book came to mind, and then lingered, I wondered what it was about this particular father that had reached out to me. Reflection brought me to this:

SMALL MOMENTS of FAITH

INSTILLING CONFIDENCE

I could be wrong, but I can't imagine many cards or memes or other quick-shot accolades to fathers will focus on those two aspects of powerful "father-ing". Perhaps I'm wrong, but I wanted to call it out here. I hope you will read the book I shared. It will do a better job than I have at making clear what I've tried to say. Whether your own "father" was biological or found (a step parent, a coach, a neighbor, or teacher), I hope you can reflect, too, and recognize small moments in which you felt seen in moments of weakness, and led to a sense of competence. When your capacity to deal with hard things was revealed to you and affrirmed by a trusted adult. When you recognized your own power. 

If so, and if you are lucky enough to still have that person in your lives, consider talking about that with them. I would if i could.