When Kindness Is Lacking: Facing a Bully

My previous post shared some outstanding picture books about kindness, each featuring young characters who chose to notice, to consider the feelings of others, and to ACT in positive ways. The lead character in each offers realistic examples of the power a single person can wield to make other lives better. 
Empathy is innate, according to some recent studies. (Check out an easy-to-read-and-uplifting report on one study HERE.) It's pretty obvious that encouraging those natural tendencies, modeling intentional kindness, and discussing books like the ones featured  (and others) will foster those human, humane tendencies in young people. It's also pretty obvious that our world would be a better place if all humans of every age displayed those humane, empathetic patterns in daily life. Sadly, it's more than obvious that some people, young and otherwise, have lost or repressed their natural empathetic tendencies to varying degrees. Some not only ignore others in need or pain, instead actively causing others physical or emotional pain.
That's not true of MOST PEOPLE, a truth that is comfortingly presented in Michael Leannah's book, discussed in this previous post. 
And yet...
Even a single bully can cause others to feel fear, depression, or even lead to suicide or violence. There are countless picture books on this subject used by parents, teachers, and others. Some are featured HERE. As a teacher I've shared many of the recommended titles, and as a blogger I've reviewed a few, HERE. 

Owlkids Book, Inc. 2018

This post  will shine a well-deserved spotlight on a recently released picture book, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT , written by Susan Hughes and illustrated by Carey Sookocheff. On the face of it, so to speak, it merits our attention for its powerful cover. The dull-gray tones, simple line drawings, and obvious situation makes the subject matter evident. In case there's any doubt, the back cover reveals an explicit scene: an intentionally side-eyed mean-girl is bullying a slump-shouldered and sad-eyed boy. The simplified line art and body postures, including that of the bystanding girls on the cover, reveal a universal bullying situation. 
In a sense, this stark approach is counterintuitive, lacking the spontaneous appeal of bright colors, charming animal characters, or other enticements to open and read on about an important topic. Instead, this book declares its topic before a single page is turned. The title suggests a powerful dramatic tension, suggesting escalating meanness and/or a full-out confrontation. 
Neither is the case. Nor does the book unfold in traditional text form. Instead, the unnamed narrator controls the story in unique, script-like format:
"Why I Don't Want to Go to School Today:
Bully B.
What Bully B Does at School Today:
Blocks my way.
Asks me questions that aren't really questions, like: 'Why are you so weird?'
What Her Friends Do:
Laugh.
What Everyone Else Does:
Nothing."

From that first page, the bullied boy struggles with hiding his situation from his mom, seeking comfort in his books and from his unconditionally loving and sensitive dog. One day his mom reads his face rather than his answer about how his day was ("fine"). Together they spend time in simple ways, experiencing comfort and fun together. Then his mom gently leads a conversation about bullies, options, and potential resolutions. This is all revealed in that same child-controlled monologue. The transitions leading to a resolution are entirely realistic, providing a template for others to use in similar circumstances while thoroughly  reinforcing the character of a quirky (not weird) boy and a compelling story.

I do have a few concerns about this outstanding picture book. The line drawings are a bit of a double-edged sword. Throughout page after page of  dull-toned spreads, the boy is washed from head to toe in pale blue and the girl in green. That may avoid racial identity, but the straight-hair, straight-featuered characters read very Caucasian to me. In the final spread each character, including some incidental classmates, are colored in traditional ways (clothing, hair, backpacks, etc.) and one boy is a person of color. I realize the intentional symbolism of the narrator's perceptions regarding his worldview until the problem is resolved, but I hope it is discussed with young readers as intentional.  On the plus side, the majority of "bullies" in picture books are males (or "male-types"), so this female antagonist is a welcome dose of reality. 

Here's hoping you'll get your hands on these books and share them widely. Can we really live with the fact that humans are BORN with the right instincts and the adults (or screen images) in their lives are not actively strengthening and supporting those instincts? I can't.

Be Kind: a Message For Everyone

After decades of teaching, I'll be the first to say that "Be Kind" is not the simple admonition it seems to be. In fact, I recall a school campaign that featured "DO KIND____" in posters and in lessons in an attempt to emphasize that actions speak louder than words or intentions. The grammatical quirkiness of that phrase diluted its impact, in my opinion  but the message mattered and relates to the content of a new picture book that I believe should be in every home, classroom, and library.

Roaring Book Press, 2018

Pat Zietlow Miller's recent and widely acclaimed release, BE KIND, features an aware and intentional main character, one who actively attempts to "be kind". As with the stumbling school campaign slogan above that required an object for its verb, this kind character has an object of the intent: a classmate who is upset by a simple accident, spilled grape juice. 
When an initial attempt at support is misunderstood, the wannabe-kind youngster makes an effort to observe, consider, and analyze ways that kindness is (or isn't) effective. Those examples, the progression of observations, and the conclusions are entirely child-friendly but also provide dense content for discussions about ways individual acts can affect others' lives. 
Illustrator Jen Hill has provides visual spotlights throughout the book, offering a subtle reminders to focus on both sides of the kindness equation. The reflections of the main character convey not just intention but persistence, not a sense of his/her own desire to be kind, but on the needs of the classmate. I used the gender-optional pronouns because some young readers have asked- is it a girl or a boy? Hill's gender-ambiguous illustration allows all readers to see themselves in the story, and to answer the questions for themselves: Who do you think it is? What difference would it make which way you see the child? Does assigning an identity affect the story? The universality of the story shines through from the book jacket front to back.

Schwartz and Wade Books, 2018

Two other picture books to explore while sharing BE KIND stress similar messages about individual acts that have direct objects in classmates in need of comfort or support. A recent one is I WALK WITH VANESSA: A Story About a Simple Act of Kindness, created and illustrated by Kerascoet. 
This wordless book is told in page after page of spot illustrations on pure white background. New girl Vanessa's family moves into the neighborhood on the title page, and remains alone throughout the day. she doesn't initiate contact, but no one else does, either. From the first page our "kind" classmate notices everything, including the boy who says something mean to Vanessa as she walks home alone. The caring classmate tells her friends, notices which house Vanessa lives in, and then worries about her through the evening and overnight. At breakfast she has a thought and runs to Vanessa's house to walk with her to school. Along the way they are joined by other classmates and that one simple act allows Vanessa to feel welcome in her new school. 
As in BE KIND, this caring character invests in the process of empathizing and problem solving, keeping the object of her concern foremost in her efforts. 

Alfred A. Knopf Books for Young Readers, 2013

Finally, include in your sharing and discussions a picture book from a few years ago, THE INVISIBLE BOY, written by Trudy Ludwig and illustrated by Patrice Barton. This subtle story allows the kindness to spring from the boy who has been ignored to the point of invisibility. The illustration has incredibly potent emotional impact, as the early pages reveal a boy who is generally unseen by peers- the last chosen in a game, ignored during activities, etc., making him fade to sadly pastel invisibility. 

A new boy arrives in class, a Korean student, who is first questioned then teased by peers for the names of and unusual forms of his lunchbox foods. In an exemplary twist, it's invisible boy who empathizes and writes a supportive note to his new classmate. As they become friends and participate in class activities, the others interact and the colors and definition of the boy return.

In each of these titles, readers can see themselves in both sides of the equations. Each also portrays specific, thoughtful, but simple responses to a peer in need of comfort. All too often, young (and old) may define themselves as kind because they contribute to a food drive or create a May basket to hang on a neighborhood doorknob. All are worthy efforts, as is the writing of checks in response to disasters. But these books remind us all that kindness requires attention to the title things, the individuals around us who may be sitting alone, having a bad day, or just in need of a smile and hello. 
As important as these books are for young readers, I'm convinced they matter even more for middle grade, teen, and adult readers. I hope you'll read them and help me spread the word to every age.